my life :)

my life

2010-08-27T21:31:00.002+08:00

has been pretty stagnant with nothing exciting going on!

school has been alright. when u are at your fourth year, everything becomes a routine and for me, i just wanna it to zoom past.

i realise.. i really don't have much to blog about. till the next!

school attachment :)

2010-07-26T12:19:00.006+08:00

My school attachment experience has been nothing short of awesome! It's the first job I really enjoy, so I am glad I have signed my bond with MOE already. I am so thankful that I got posted to such an awesome school.. PEI TONG PRIMARY SCHOOL (: The principals and teachers are really nice to us [award holders and scholars]. Most importantly, the students are so adorable! They are just so excited whenever they see us, waving madly, going "Ms Au... Ms Au....Remember me????" and then they will flash gigantic cheeky grins.

I was attached to a Primary 1 class. See their cute and cheeky grins? :) My mentor is a really nice teacher. She is an authoritative teacher, firm yet giving the kids space - treating them like young adults. I really like the fact that she respects the students and teaches them the right things. Primary 1 kids are really cute.. the things they say and ask..

"Ms Au, can i go..pass motion?"
"Ms Au, he take my color pencil........"
"Ms Au, can i teach him how to do the questions....."

puts a smile on my face, really :)

I particularly admire the teachers running the Learning Support Program [a program to help the weaker students].. They are really patient and dedicated. Lessons become so fun and engaging. They take patience to a whole new level.. I think it will take a lot of effort and practice before I become SO patient.. but I must get there!

Attachment was made enjoyable by very fun and very nice fellow award holder and scholar! We had breakfast and lunch together, discovering the new places in school together and laughing at dance classes when we walked past the dance studio. It was great fun with the girls below (: We made posters, did our projects, explored the various programs in school and sat through meetings together. Really glad to befriend them! :)

Worked on the project with Samantha.. She's really nice and she made the difficult project an easy one. We worked on developing formative assessments for the Primary 1 students. I do hope there will be a shift from summative to formative assessments, then young kids won't need to go through the stress of CAs and SAs! Must say I have learnt a lot from working on the project!:D

NIE trainee, Candy + Sam + me ((: it was my last day! :( Love Fridays..can dress down and wear jeans!

Really thankful for this short teaching (not really) stint. It made me realise that it isn't easy being a teacher, what with many adminstrative work and meetings. However, it is worth it when you see the smiles on your students' faces.. when you see them learning the right things. My mentor told me that it is her passion for teaching which drives her forward. Once in a while, we would need to refuel this passion to make sure that teaching is not a routine but something enjoyable! I hope this burning passion within me would continue to push me forward! :)

2010-06-30T18:01:00.007+08:00

In an attempt to liven my blog and to relieve my boredom, I shall blog about my 22nd birthday! Plus jo's as well.

I can't really figure if my birthday, this year, was a good day or not.. No doubt, it was a day filled with wishes and love, yet it marked the first day of me falling ill. So anyway, I spent the day with my love, having a simple lunch at Tao's. It seemed like a long time when we last had a good meal together. Meals with him are always fun because he says the funniest things. Humour is something that he is so gifted at (:

The cake he bought me! Meringue from The Patissier. Really awesome cake. We met up with my family for dinner after that. By then, I wasnt feeling too well already so i ate little for MY birthday dinner. (zzz)

Í really appreciate my family so much.. They are ALWAYS here for me, especially after this whole episode of falling ill, I really am so thankful to have them.

With some cousins and uncle!

The sick birthday girl :( So after dinner, I came home to eat medicine and received a surprise conference call from sishood! :)

On Monday, met up with Alex and kairu to have dinner. Was still sick and had little appetite! Nonetheless, it was great meeting them. They are really special friends of mine (: They surprised me with a small cake. Blessed to have them in my life!

The next day was a meetup with pei and cherie! Got a cute birthday card and vitamin C. They must know that i really need the Vit Cs. hahas. (:

Met up with sishood on Friday! Was supposed to go to Night Safari but there was a last minute change of plans. Continued with the sleepover..

Played super fun and loud games. haha (:

And they surprised me and Sam with a cake (:
Precious friends.... (:

They bought me a super expensive foundation from SK2! Can't say enough thankyous to sishood for being the friends i know i can always count on. RV is such a nice place to allow me to find such awesome friends (:

Jo's birthday gift! An automatic Ted Baker watch! (: He bought me a Agnes B. wallet. =)

His birthday! (:

His friends came over. So sweet of them! They talk really weirdly though, constantly bickering and stuff. Think it's a guys thing.=p

Ok, i think i am not good with the captions thing.. So i hope the pictures speak for themselves. I think the best thing about birthdays is not the presents but the comfort in knowing that people care about you and want to make you happy. Ï'm glad to have a group of friends and loved ones who want me to be happy. For that, I can't be more thankful. (:

reason

2010-06-23T09:06:00.002+08:00

you know, a lot of people say that things happen for a reason.

now, i seem to really think so as well.

i have been sick for the longest time ever. not that i like it to happen but it made me..want to change how i live.

i have been pretty unstable.. perhaps due to being sick.. i don't know. it made me realise who i could rely on though..

for the first time i keep sending jo mushy messages on fb, not because i want the world to know i love him.. i just can't seem to adequately express the amount of appreciation i feel towards him. he has been the one who held onto my hand when i felt so scared. (so scared could be an understatement) and thank you just can't sum up how i feel during the aftermath.

and my parents. it sucks to make them worry so endlessly. yet at the same time i feel so comforted. lucky. nice. warm.

and sam. when i msged her to tell her about how i felt, her nice words through the sms exchanges touched me.

maybe this episode of being sick happened to let me know that there are people who care so so much.

back from hk!

2010-06-09T23:15:00.002+08:00

it was really an awesome trip with jo and his family. i have read in magazines how holidays with partners can become disastrous, an example may be how the guy's hygiene may put the girl off, or things along that line.. but i am glad my first overseas experience with jo was a terrific one! :))

thanks for taking care of me and holding onto me when i was so scared on the plane (maybe cos first time not taking sia =x).. many many other things to thank you for which i will probably do in private. love you!

received my results before flying off and i did reasonably well! many many thanks to cool senior and gang for helping me with my most difficult module! and of cos sammie for everything else!

i am a happy girl this summer! (:

darn

2010-05-17T16:52:00.003+08:00

I have monday blues even though school has ended. :( feeling irritated because i know i have to complete my thesis proposal yet i don't really know how to begin?! there's this nagging feeling to do it yet the first step of starting is always so..difficult. consequently, i have been extremely easily exasperated. sorry bf :(

did i blog about exams? i forgot. anyways, i dreamt i got 3.7 last night. in my dream (nightmare?!) the results weren't released as grades. instead, it was like 1, 2, 3, 4 (1 being A i suppose?)..i dreamt tt i got several 4s = Bs, woke up feeling distressed. and then the email came which informed us of the release of results which will be on 31st May.

coincidentally i will be going hk with jo and family on 31st May. looks like i gotta hit Pacific Coffee again to see if i have to s/u. again, because 2 yrs back i went to hk with my family during the results release period as well. i sure hope i need not s/u. anyways, why am i rambling on and on.

RAH. RAH. RAH.

i am supposed to be super duper excited for the trip w jo! yet here i am easily annoyed and being a sloth.

after exams!

2010-05-08T11:57:00.004+08:00

Exams has finally ended. Gonna embrace yr4 life soon! Let's enjoy summer together! (:

After my last paper, went for a vomit-blood tuition session and proceeded to join the girls at Harry's! :) It is always so nice to be able to talk and laugh with them. May this continue for the rest of our lives! :D

07 May is our anniversary. Our first this year and many more to come! (haha he always ends his card with this "many more to come" phrase) Below is a card i bought him (:

We went to Dozo to have lunch. Was about $45 per pax. The style is similar to tao's but the setting was a little more high-class. We had a 6-course meal. The waitors were friendly, nice and cheerful, which made the whole meal more enjoyable. Food was nice. I ate foie gras for the first time in my life.. and it wasn't as delicious as reviews have stated it to be?! Haha nonetheless, the place was great to chill and talk (:

The waitor even prepared this especially for us. Very sweet of them right! When the waitor presented us this, I could feel his heartfelt wishes for us. He even told us to think of our future as he related his romance story. :)

I like this photo most! Though it is a little blur. heh :) The waitor even made us kiss lol. It was truly a great experience at Dozo and I would definitely recommend it to friends for special occasions!

Was feeling super tired after lunch so we went home to nap. Oh ya, he bought me my favourite flowers. I am very touched because I thought he wouldn't even buy a card for me la :p The flowers are so pretty. Thank you (:

After that, we went to substation to view kai ru's showcase of her FYP! went past the Peranakan museum and could not help taking this:

The poster of kai ru's FYP! Super impressed by the films.. It felt so professional it did not feel like the work of undergraduates! So proud of her!!! ((:Me and jo (:

Me with the special one! Super proud of her ((:

2010-04-30T23:51:00.003+08:00

today was awesome. :) thanks!

iron man 2 is worth a watch! the presence of robert downey jr is worth every single cent. halfway through the movie i got really distracted though cos i was notified of the school that i will be attached to in july! pei tong primary. i am honestly.. super nervous/excited.

and..sometimes it takes more than just saying, "i have faith" in something/someone. it is the actual belief that really counts. i will and must achieve it, both through words and actions.

2010-04-29T00:33:00.004+08:00

refuses to sleep, thinking of lots and lots of things.

today's evo paper was honestly.. shitty. although i enjoyed evo a lot initially, towards the end, i found myself asking more questions and just ended feeling puzzled more than anything.

well at least i survived the exams without breaking down. and that is really with the help and social support from my friends.

but sometimes i wonder why i even have friends. i feel bored (like i am a boring person) and i don't know who would want to even stay by me. you can easily describe me as serious, uptight, easily nervous and maybe irritating. nonetheless, sam reminded me that we have spent 10 consecutive days together. really, i wonder how she puts up with me. :( but she's an awesome mate, ever so composed ready to answer my shitloads of questions. and the questions are repetitive mind u, not new ones. she just answers them again and again. without her, i probably would have crumbled. with her, i might feel a lil'inferior (in honest truth) but more prepared and really..comforted.

and the boyfriend who is ever so patient with me. he's so nice, nv ever picks a fight.. sometimes i wonder why he can be so giving even. yea. donno why he picked me to be his gf. i must have been lucky.

and i emailed a prof to do my thesis alrd. if i don't get it, i probably deserve it becos i had a chance but i did not seize it. so if life is full of regrets, i donno why mine is especially filled with them. and no, i don't want to be trapped in them, so i will continue to work towards a regret-less future.

end of emo post. ok, i want and need to be a better person/friend/girlfriend/daughter.

uneventful

2010-04-16T20:20:00.002+08:00

haven't been blogging since life has been relatively uneventful, unless u count being emo as eventful. :(

but nonetheless...

mommy's birthday! :) ate at this chinese restaurant with some relatives plus jo!
last day of school. this lesson has always been much dreaded, maybe because i screwed up the presentation. and presentations during the seminar were really a bore. but i am glad to have cool senior around!~thanks :) i thought that prof singh ended the lesson on a good note though. so fatherly and encouraging! and he looks cute in the photo. hahas.

And just like this, yr 3 sem 2 has come to an end. taking level 4000 modules has been a challenge, but learning a new language, Malay, has been fun!

these days i have been bothered by the question of taking thesis. Repeatedly weighing the pros and cons, yet i can't reach the decision, for fear of making the wrong one. As i am speaking, time is also probably running out because all the professors might already be taken up. I need to be firm for once. RAWR.

good luck to all for exams!

a lil appreciation.

2010-03-31T22:37:00.003+08:00

My Malay tutor is so nice! He actually told me to drink more water and exercise more because i looked very tired during class that day. When i become a teacher, I hope i can be like him. He is really passionate about teaching and making us learn effectively. That takes a lot of dedication. I am really thankful for this wonderful Cikgu (teacher in Malay)!

daddy's 55th (:

2010-03-20T23:27:00.003+08:00

Feeling happy today because of a simple meal with the family to celebrate my dad's 55th birthday (: the simple happiness of being together that we tend to forget sometimes amidst the busy schedules.

ate at 'the scholar' at nus alumni club. haha what a weird name for a restaurant. but the food was pretty nice (:

thanks to the tired boyfriend who came despite being tired after..5 tuitions!

and because i really love the dress i was wearing..i requested for a photo to be taken of myself. although it was a simple night together with jo playing monopoly deal, nothing beats spending time together. guess he put it very aptly that we cherish the time together more because of the lack of it.

a very happy 20th march today. happy birthday daddy (:

think in malay!

2010-03-16T22:45:00.008+08:00

I just spent the entire day staring at the screen of my computer (nearly typed the malay spelling: komputer) doing term paper and work :( Kinda frustrated with my writing, no complexity or rich vocabulary in it, making me feel inferior. i need writing lessons!

Gonna perform a skit in Malay (taking Malay lessons) next tuesday. It's pretty scary if you ask me! I just typed out my part and i seem to have a lot to speak. Hope i don't fumble. I hope that the speech&drama lessons which i attended when i was in primary school would come in handy..

Decided to upload some pictures which keep track of the fun times i spend with my boy (: I am sure all these pictures will serve to remind me of all the happy times we have together if I look back in future!

We decided to bake cupcakes that day. Oh well, he always does most of the work. I would be the one snapping photos and just relaxing :p

He claims that the nicer looking ones are his and the not-so-nice ones are mine. But then again, it's really subjective, no?

Then, we baked pizza at night, which was..yummilicious (: YEA, extra cheesy! We just lacked pineapples to get the hawaiian flavour!

On another random day at some bookstore.

Back to do more work!

it feels like a friday....

2010-03-04T21:22:00.006+08:00

School + tuition can get really draining. Not much to complain about school, it's just the usuals - i can't wait to get out of it, but i am really thankful for sam & rach! Had evo midterms today and honestly it is one of the modules i really enjoy this sem, maybe the only one. Really disappointed though, cos i re-read my textbook, and realise i got the main point wrong for a 16-marks question -.- nvm, at least it's over!

And..... I have my iPhone to play with! Finally got down to selling my n97 away. The iPhone is really much better with interesting apps to entertain my friends and me. Happy (:
Some backdated photos! My v'day present this year. (:

My card + gift for him:

Pls don't laugh at my cross stitch.. I am not made for this!!

Chu yi ((: he looks like a tomato!

The other night with kai ru and pearlyn((: Haha this cover-eyes photo is the funniest of the lot. Clearly, my eyes include the whole face. =p

Some other random photos we took. =D

Rah. it's the much dreaded (REAL) friday tmr with social psyche lessons to not look forward to. =((((

2010-02-17T18:42:00.003+08:00

being sick on the fourth day of cny aint my idea of a perfect cny. luckily for me, i had three good days of cny before i fell ill.

vday this yr coincided with cny and it's a once in 50 yrs phenomenon. had a great one with my valentine this year.. not really with him but his entirely family. still really heartwarming to be included and his family is really nice to me. thanks love (:

rest of cny was spent with my family! i kinda miss the family feeling of sitting in the car together and every cny/family outings, this feeling would return. although i dont usually say it out, my family members are the most treasured people i hold close to my heart..

and also to wonderful sweet friends who would cancel an outing to somewhere fanciful to accompany me at home when i am sick. touched beyond words.

2010-02-08T20:40:00.005+08:00

had an awesome steamboat with the girls at my house ((: really felt like a tuan yuan fan, a reunion after their exchange programmes.

we had fun playing the scheming game of monopoly deal. super addictive and fun! had a very belated bday surprise for rachie and stance. their reactions were super funny, both trying to push the surprise target to each other. had a fun night of talking and laughing.. i am thankful for these lovely girls in my life..

9 months with jo (: went to the icing room (second time in 2 days) to design a cake for him. wanted to surprise him but failed :p had an awesome time with him nonetheless (:

love (:

2010-02-05T22:15:00.002+08:00

i want to have the ability to look at myself from the outside..

sweetness overdose

2010-01-30T10:32:00.003+08:00

just attended jo's da ge's wedding on thurs. really felt a strong sugar rush when he walked out singing 'nothing gonna's change my love for you' for his wife. sweetness level in the air was...beyond description of words. hahah very overwhelmed. then you can see girlfriends nudging their boyfriends.. whee so happy for them. they really are a perfect match:

jo and i dressed up for the occasion (: though his younger bro's gf and i felt quite awkward seeing a lot of their relatives (and not knowing what to say), i think it was a great experience. with the strong familial ties and love all in the air.

2010-01-26T15:55:00.002+08:00

i am supposed to be studying but u know the feeling of how when you are supposed to study, u do everything else other than the main thing, which is to study. bad. okie i am getting off this comp at 4pm!

haha bc update later, so exciting.. it's amazing how i convince myself not to shop so much and to save money.. but the minute the bc mailer reaches my hotmail, every resolution to not shop flies outta my mind.

so anyway weekend was exciting, had a bbq @ jung's and cycling at ecp w alex n kairu (: it was great cycling after not doing so for more than a year. honestly, i cant even rmb the last time i cycled. we cycled from ecp to changi v. and back. went along that depressing loooong stretch of road which was made better with light conversations and sing-a-long sessions (: ooooh, i love outdoor afternoons and time spent with my two special friends.
first (and only) presentation of this sem this friday. getting the jitters. =x

2010-01-22T23:27:00.004+08:00

been some time since i last wrote an entry.. guess life has been pretty mundane with school and holidays whizzed past, just like that. Adjusting back to school life has been tough especially when i have afternoon lessons practically everyday.

Nonetheless i am really glad these angels are back (: Friends really really really make a difference to school.

I saw a group of my campers who were in a clique of 5 as well.. 5 girls who always stayed together. really reminded me of those secondary school days. that live ops was one i enjoyed (: such lovable students. although i met difficult ones as well, i guess it is inevitable. better to realise the difficulties of being a teacher now than later.

a new year (:

2010-01-12T21:17:00.004+08:00

just wanted to do a short summary of 2009!

the year of 2009 was the year of 21st for the dragon babies, attended quite a few birthday parties and held my own as well.. welcome adulthood!

did my first camp with Adam K hoo, started on a fantastic note doing St Marg's Live Ops. it has been a journey not only to empower lives but also a lot on self discovery.

finally getting through the teaching award interview. speaking of which, much credits should go to jo. i can vividly remember this amazing guy who accompanied me the night before the interview, looking through many testimonials of teachers desperately trying to get inspiration. i finally made it.

the start of a new relationship, finding this guy who loves me so. in return, he is someone i cannot do without.

sydney holidays with my family.. i am so thankful for my family and i really appreciate my brother for putting in a lot of effort in planning family trips. all the family time together serves to remind me how lucky and loved i am.

ran my first half marathon in my life. nv thought i could complete any distance above 15km. nonetheless i actually completed 21km with the encouragement of my special friend, who held my hand and supported me when i almost gave up. thanks kai ru (:

short getaway to bintan with sishood. truly fun experience with much laughter and crazy moments. spent a lot of time together with sishood during 2009's summer. this group of friends who are irreplaceable in my life (:

got the worst and best cap in the 2 sems of 2009. the worst really triggered me to work doubly hard. it is really true that when you are down, the only thing to do is to get right up.

lost a friend in 2009. it was hard to grapple with the loss of a friend through death. i really pray that he is in a better place somewhere..glad to have yahting whom i could always confide in when i feel lost.

2009 has been a year of ups and downs. nonetheless, the lessons which have been learnt would definitely serve to make 2010 an even awesome one. May 2010 welcome abundance of joy, love, wealth and health for everyone (:

this is for you!

2009-12-22T22:56:00.002+08:00

my first time making a video so it's really simple but it comes straight from the heart. no matter what others may say about us, i just want to tell you how much you mean to me.

thank you love =)

*

received my results for this sem and really had a pleasant surprise. best xmas gift from nus thus far.. like wad jo said, this was ironically the toughest yet best sem.

*

xmas, looking forward to it because of youu.

lost

2009-12-17T22:23:00.004+08:00

i seem to have lost the ability/motivation to blog. i shall attempt to revive this skill.

also seem to have lost the interest in shopping in reality. online shopping appeals much more these days!

so anyway camp mumbo has been the major highlight of my nearly-ending holidays thus far. camp mumbo is a kids camp and i took on the role of an instructor. think i got better with the kids this yr but i need to work on building more rapport with fellow instructors. i feel that kids these days are getting smarter, i.e. able to talk back and reason. wonder how teaching will be like three years down the road.. will i get challenged teaching a class of primary school students?

so anyway there was this really cute 3 yr-old girl with a very unique name.. immogen (pronounced e-mer-gen). she is really independent for a 3 yr old and extremely lovable. something which left a lasting impression was how she looked at me with a pout and exclaimed "you scold me".. when i told her not to do something. aw, really cute. i kinda miss holding her hand and playing hide& seek with the younger kids already. it makes me miss being young - being innocent, looked after and carefree.

a photo of immogen (: she was like a mini star and lots of instructors/campers looked after her!

i hope mumbo will always be a part of my life from now onwards becos i enjoy being there.

the rest of the hols have been spent with the alpheus peeps. haha limited social circle.. but i enjoyed the htht with hp and xiaobanmei that day. really a lot.

i really miss holding your hand and walking beside you, enjoying the soft night breeze.

((:

2009-12-07T23:48:00.002+08:00

happy 7th (:

sweet thing

2009-11-26T22:09:00.002+08:00

so the boyfriend decided to spring something sweet on me last sunday with our 200th day anniversary as the reason. no one has ever done this for me so i was really like.. extremely happy. but i couldn't show it too obviously, for 'face' sake. and i realise when you are taken aback, the first reaction is really..not knowing what to do.

(i didn't remember or keep track, so a bit paiseh! :x)

thank you (: really appreciate it. wonder how u can get so awesome sometimes. but stay awesome lei ;p

i am very happy this sem studying with awesome pals like shiruuuu, hp, yw and ade ((:

it's amazing how ade can stand the stressed me and just laugh but i'm really thankful to have her to keep me sane!

plus the ever-so-spontaneous shiru. if not for the exams, i think we could just be talking for 5 hours straight. about. wad else but shopping lol.

hp and yw are lunch/dinner friends. so nice! :D

just 5 more days and i am done with yr3 sem1!! freedom, i can nearly taste, smell, feel you.

time of the sem

2009-11-16T09:09:00.002+08:00

to mug from day to night

to stuff myself silly with junk food to not fall aslp

to look forward to holidays. XMAS, oooh delightful

to not be distracted

to give it your best shot!

for the fifth time in NUS, i am telling myself i will survive

self efficacy ensures better performance.

take a break

2009-11-03T22:15:00.002+08:00

study all day long only to get average results. but it's ok i know i have it in me, somehow.

photo from nike run with this special friend of mine, my lovely friend who has been here for me for...7 years. thanks girl.. you are truly my special one! (:

havent taken a photo with this boy for some time alrdy, been having massive pimple outbreaks. very sickening. now i am at the stage of repairing the skin. haha leonard drake treatment which this boy keeps tempting me to go for. which is expensive by the way. it's a wonder how he makes me mad, sad, happy, lucky, thankful, strong all at the same time. don't know how he does it but still. ((: so glad we found our new food place in wcp. whee to cheap and good food.

been talking a lot about the future. and i know we will work towards it, together!

alright, last presentation for this sem tmrw. it shall be the best, i hope.

my sister's keeper

2009-11-02T22:24:00.003+08:00

made me tear, made me think and made me realise the simply joys.

it's worth a watch, really.

emotional days like these get harder when the rain comes.

2009-10-31T00:36:00.002+08:00

stop the fake smiles

so i did my first market-ing session in my life with my maid this morning.

really missing my daddy and even my mom's nagging.

left with 2500 chapter, 1000 word intro

and a 2500 lab report.

it may seem painful, really.

but i realise i do enjoy taking psyche afterall, minus all the pressure with needing to excel, to be on top of others in the bell curve.

few disciplines would allow you to be exposed to the real human life settings. not forgetting the applicability of the concepts which makes you wonder in awe how complex human beings can really be deciphered simply.

so maybe this post is to remind myself that school may be tough, but it could and would have been much worse if i were taking some other degree. once in a while, you need to remind yourself that passion is more important than grades. and life is more than that piece of cert.

2009-10-22T23:44:00.004+08:00

i looked through all our photos and realised how much i miss you.

i miss you, really do :)

been cabbing to school a lot due to the fatigue accumulated, saying byebye to money.

feeling worried for tutee's results. when you are a tutor/teacher, it feels like you take the exams with the components of composition/comprehension/summary over and over again. saw a quote which is sth along this line, "a teacher is one who sees the student at the back". pretty impactful and i hope i can remember this.

isn't it strange how i dont appreciate what i have now, look forward to what i am going to have in future. and when i have it in future, i would probably miss what i have now. is it only me?

a weird mix of feelings now.

monster within.

2009-10-21T22:19:00.002+08:00

too much to say, too little time, too few brain cells, too tired to move.

2009-10-16T15:49:00.001+08:00

think i might have just failed the first midterms in nus.

sporadicity

2009-10-15T19:36:00.003+08:00

i should really be studying the intolerance.

the boyfriend is sick again. =( really sucky virus around and bad chillies. no more chillies for you!

had social cog presentation today. i dont know why, i don usually get nervous but today i felt my hands tremble as i spoke. i wonder if my voice shook as well? surprisingly my team mates said i was the most calm? oh well, i am glad it's over. and i hope we did considerably well.

this sem has been a lot of hanging out with the alpheus peeeeple. i like regularity and i hope i can see them everyday. i am the kind whose life gets shattered after some change. i think i am susceptible to ptsd =/

sent a prayer up above;

typicality

2009-10-10T21:46:00.003+08:00

finally took a break from the studying and went out(not really, considering it was just cosway point!?), felt like liberation though. not that i have been studying particularly hard, it's just that it gets really suffocating looking through the dozens of papers every week, reading the 30-40 pages chapters and discussing projects. i think i have been studying more compared to previous sems. my parents keep asking me when my exams will end. it kinda ended but work just keeps coming in.

i love saturdays. the only time we get to spend some time together. somehow, things seem different but i am glad we are adapting pretty well, or so i think. there were periods of unhappiness but at the end of the day, when we stop to care for each other, everything seems alright again. loving the familiar moments in his house when he serves me drinks, aka be my maid. challenging him to bball when i know i will definitely lose no matter what upperhand he gives me. watching him play his computer games (this part maybe dont really like. =p). just hanging around together, the feeling of.. love. thanks love. for accompanying my mom and me. for being so shweet and lovable. so pls stay the lovable you and not let anything get you down (:

sadly, back to hit the books. nvm work hard now, holidays can enjoy more. won't forget that nagging worry prior to release of results last sem.. that sense of regret and uneasiness. no repeats pls.

random sunday evening

2009-10-04T17:38:00.002+08:00

feeling reallaye lazy, havent done anything since the start of saturday. guess i don't really feel like after the terrifying and traumatising mid terms. just praying that i will be average, that's what the bell curve is for.

wanted to dye my hair yesterday but looks like the damage done by the black dye is really too much for any fashion colour to be possible. quite disappointed but i guess i will have to live with the choices made. it was one of the best choices i have made anyway.

other than that, i still really am missing my friends, i just dreamt of them last night! and i miss the busy boyfriend who works even on sundays!! =(

next week is elearning weeeeeek. i am not really excited for it, somehow :( school just zaps the whole soul outta me.

okay not a good time for a good post! wanted to blog with some cute peeektures but blogger is down. anyway imagine this huge m&m pillow. yup the sweet bf got a bigass cute looking m&m pillow for me. really put a smile on my face last week when i was struggling with 3 freaking mid terms (but actually i shldnt complain, i heard others have like 5 -.-) and he got me kinderjo!

i wouldnt mind getting a kinderjo everyday ya know?

itouch

2009-09-25T20:09:00.003+08:00

wow i am pretty excited cos i just received the email which says that the itouch which i bought on impulse is gonna be dhl-ed to me!

hope the bf will like it and hopefully i can play the moomoo game on it!! hahas :)

enough of excitement becos maybe i really am not cos. it's a friday. it's a friday night. it's a friday night and i am staying in to mug. there are a million things on my mind now, where to start?

2009-09-23T21:55:00.002+08:00

was just about to embark on a massive whining and self pity session when i realise that it wont make my situation easier anyway

so why not give thanks to ppl who cares enough to ask me to take care

to just do my best.

i am blessed.

why should i be like the subjects in the learned helplessness experiments which simply lay down passively and whined?

2009-09-20T19:51:00.001+08:00

am sick, so much for discipline. and studying.

=(

2009-09-18T23:23:00.002+08:00

discipline.

thanks yahting & xiaobanmei for being sooooo awesomely nice. touched me all over!

the next week is make or break.

since blogger is finally well, lemme post up some pics from the past:

2009-09-14T23:29:00.000+08:00

i just want a break.

nth time i am breaking down since the start of yr3.

feeling really like a piece of glass these days. :(

additionally, i am always wanting and asking for more. but maybe i have alrd been blessed with enough.

i need to break out of this cycle. this shit cycle. this crying cycle. this difficult cycle.

MYSELF.

i miss the friends overseas. but the irony is. i don even seem to have time to keep up with the ones who are here in spore. but i really still miss them a lot. i wish i could hear sam's reassurance, rach's jokes, miao's comforting words and their presence would make so much difference. i just hope they are all well!

i lovelove kai for accompanying me to stardee and drawing mehmehs on rough papers.

i thank buddy for being the pig but always nice enough to talk to me.

i love ade for being by my side.

i am just feeling really random and all but i really need an outlet to type out all these.

i just wanna say sorry for being so difficult lately, for always being so. irritating and irritated. u being by my side makes me feel safe but i hate feeling so distant from you. but i still really wanna say the magical 3 words which u repeatedly texted me today. u know it and i know it too. today was one of the best and ironically worst date. it would be perfect if u get well soon. loves*

give me a break. either that or make me smarter.

2009-09-12T23:32:00.000+08:00

i wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides.

the things i miss

2009-09-11T16:31:00.002+08:00

today i walked home from school. thought about stuffs.

and as i walked and reached wcp, i thought a lot about the things i miss.

i miss

the morning smses which came everyday without fail
the many many visits to starbucks
visiting all the restaurants in wcp
963 bus rides
trying to do work in tully's with the crappy music and noisy staff ard
standing at the stairways for hours
long and funny msn chats
the marking of homework on my behalf
that shoulder i could lean on
the guy who waited outside my tutee's house almost every single time

all the simple things yet as i thought bout them, i wondered how i could find them back.

i also am wishing that i need not do honours and just.. graduate soon.

090909

2009-09-09T21:50:00.000+08:00

today is such a nice date!

recently i have been hearing too many ppl tell me i am too stressed up, i need to do smth about it!

i bought a new phone :) n97. hahah can bonitochico on the go. very thrilled at that thought. heh it's a couple phone with jojo. hahah recently his hobby has been to call sam and say: "hello sammie, this is jojo" just to irritate her! but looks like he will not be able to do this for the next 4 months.

i miss them so much! like a lot a lot.miao, sam, rach & stance. sent sam & rach off on sunday and really felt freaking sad. =( thanks to bf for accompanying me and lending me his shoulder!

i think we take too many things and people ard us for granted.

just a short post, this sem has been horribly busy.

2009-09-01T08:39:00.000+08:00

just burnt my tongue drinking tea. =/ what a terrific way to start my morning.

today is a sad dayyy cos miao is gonna fly off in less than 24 hours. but i do hope she will have lots and lots of fun and an awesome experience!:)

been kind of an emotional wreck these days. feeling very bipolar recently (!!!) the mood extremes can get really tormenting. i think what i need to do is to pick myself up when i feel down instead of focusing on the things which are making me down.

wanna say thankyou to yahting for inviting us to her service. and that lil' book on what on earth am i here for. i really like both (:

oh yes and that lovely outing with the girls on saturday was really really extremely fun. how we can laugh till our jaws ached. sishood is more than love (: how much i will miss these kinda girly outings doing our favourite things together and just laughing at one another. irreplaceable friends~

not been going out with the bf. =( always compromising time with him to do silly readings which i barely understand. he's super understanding about it but i hate not going out with him. o wellllllll. nvm i will survive.

oh yes, happy teacher's day! or is it happy teachers' day?

2009-08-28T22:47:00.000+08:00

"why u 2 stare at each other, do nothing one ah"

lol turns and throws ball.

=))))

2009-08-27T20:48:00.000+08:00

today's tutorial was so interesting, kinda made my day. we experimented with snails and tested our hypothesis on it! best part was that the snail very nicely cooperated with us, making our hypothesis right. makes me miss those science lab days even though i really hated all the various sciences. today made me realise the joy of learning through hands-on!

so cute right the snails, ade? =)

2009-08-26T22:48:00.000+08:00

watching spore idol with jo can be so amusing (:

thank you for everything my love. for making the trips down to my house, eating with my family, accompanying me to the acupuncturist (though having a lot of fun laughing at my rxns), forcing i mean persuading me to take the medicine & everything else.

sometimes i allow myself to be overwhelmed by my own insecurities but i am glad the arms of my loved ones cushion all of the negativites.

i ought to feel blessed. :)

2009-08-21T15:38:00.000+08:00

2 weeks into school. feeling pretty empty honestly. dont see people who i hung out with.. i hardly recognise anyone. i am very grateful when ppl i know say hi to me, else i would feel like i am in..stranger-land.

i don't even know how to put the emptiness into words but i guess i will live with it. rah. emo momo. poor bf has to bear with the emo-ness when i break down. but thankyou so much for being here with me. very grateful that you are always somewhere near!

thank you so much to ade & joanne too. ade for being my psyche buddy as always. joanne for lunching with me since week1.

school aside, i have finally finally finished gossip girl season 2. even the bf is hooked onto it. haha. can't wait for season 3! i think blake lively is hot hot hot.

completed 21km with kairu on sunday! wow, it was really very tiring but exhilarating. at least i jogged for 18km before walking and i must say kairu's encouragement really made all the difference. thanks special one (:

can the next 4 months or so just fly past.

smiles

2009-08-08T23:14:00.000+08:00

blogger doesn't seem to allow the uploading the photos. hmm, wanted to upload the nice collages i made for the bintan trip but i guess it's not possible now.

have been having a lot of fun (: a different kind of fun as compared to last year. last yr was the busy period for oweek. had this sense of accomplishment at the end of last yr's summer. this yr's summer saw me being less involved in fop and more of.. holidaying/meeting up with friends & family.

and i must say i have really really enjoyed this year's summer.

especially the bintan trip with sishood. really wanna thank miao for organising this trip.. all the smses and reminders! really think everything was planned nicely. thanks miao!!

wanna thank all of them for being very nice and caring girls. like allowing me to take the window seats cos of my motion sickness, rach holding onto my hand in the water when i vomitted and all their words of concern. they really form the essence of the word friendship. :)

i enjoyed myself tremendously. the lazing in the pool, playing of water polo (very very funny somehow), spa, ch's surprise, having cup noodles feast, the very comical breakfast buffet, kayaking, collecting of beautiful shells, BANANA BOATING, pubbing, kboxing, snorkelling...

every moment spent in bintan would remain as precious memories. i must say this is one of my bestest overseas trip :)

i also went for the ta ceremony. very thankful to a lot of people for making this possible.. couldn't have made it without the encouragement of so many. i know the road ahead ain't gonna be smooth sailing but i will make the best out of it. =)

third month with him was also especially heartwarming. i love the way he makes me laugh, plays hide&seek with me in my own house, eats the food i cook, bears my punches, shopping with my parents and many more. ((:

i guess i haven't felt like this in a long while, this sense of contentment. =)

2009-07-29T20:59:00.001+08:00

been consistently checking ivle. i don't know if this is a sign that i am actually looking forward to school. not to school but to the idea of studying. i got really delighted when i saw the lesson plan for traumapsyche. no term paper no term paper no term paper.

did my classic pedicure just now, after months of procrastination. i felt so guilty when the pedicurist (?) had to try so hard to get the dead skin off. i will try my best to maintain the smooth soles. when i said i would try, she shot me a 'it's-not-a-try-but-MUST" look.

went for tuition. i wonder how much information goes into my tutee's head when she nods. shld be nearly everything i said, rite?

tried this bubble tea at koi cafe with jo. very nice. i love the pearls!! oh man. jo says he will get it for me every time i tuition at his mom's. i got very thrilled only to realise now that i only have..2 more lessons there.

taking a course of antibiotics. go virus go. AWAY. now. jo kindly reminded me that my half marathon is less than a month away. i need to start training/burn the fats round the thunder thighs.

ramblings

2009-07-26T13:20:00.000+08:00

just uploaded a lot of photos onto facebook. seems like i have had more activities/outings than expected. well i guess the year of 21st brings more opportunities for more meet ups.

i have met up with the ppl i love and for that i am contented. :)

fell sick like yet again and got a lil' minor scolding from the bf, who is still really sweet. thank youuu i appreciate you :)

i dont look forward to next semester in nus. somehow i know it's gonna be much tougher than the others. for one, sam would not be by side. i don't know who else would bother helping me understand a module which he/she is not taking. my lil miss sunshine rachie wouldnt be ard to lunch and make me smile. no more girlie meetups with miao & stance. honestly, i think i feel very lost just knowing the fact that they wont be beside me. nonetheless, i really hope they will have the time of their lives experiencing the world. "i will miss you girls" is really an understatement. but for now, i really look forward to bintan!

and not forgetting the jittery feeling i get when i look at development psyche. which is really like my nemesis. why oh why. i just don wan a repeat of last sem=/

was really inspired by this talk from a principal from northlight school. i think she made so much sense when she mentioned that only with the right character would we sustain our jobs in the teaching line. honestly i am really excited about the future but i wonder if it would be as rosy as the picture i have painted in my mind.

can't wait for more exciting instalments of july

100dollars

2009-07-13T20:08:00.003+08:00

i hereby make a solemn promise to myself that i will not lose my i/c anymore. cos the next time i do, it is gonna be 300 dollars. *gasps*.

think i didnt blog about it but it will definitely be firmly etched in my mind - i lost my wallet the day before my 21st. very sian. very suay. i think the only only good thing that came out of it was a new wallet. (but i was alrd intending to buy a new one. so.yah.)

yesterday's surprise dinner for joanne was fun (: i love alpheus! i love this amazing girl who brought all of us together!

today, went hair-cutting and shopping with jo. quite a funny experience for me while he was cutting cos i suddenly felt like he really doesnt look like a chinese. but anyways still lovelove(: mostly window shopped. he bought some cookies to bribe my mom while i spent on shoes/blouse.

i think i am naggy. i can see it from my tutee's expression. very sian. hahahs how do i not be so naggy?!!

and should i dye my hairrrrrrr.. like brown again.

cant wait for tues, wed, thurs and fri. i like this relaxed lifestyle man. i think the bestest thing that my dad told me today is: health is money (:

the summer.

2009-07-11T02:02:00.000+08:00

wow been some time since i even logged into my blog. haha i dont think there are even people reading this rusty page here but i guess it's good to remember the stuffs which i have done (and so much which i haven't)

can't really remember when was the last time i stopped, vaguely remember it to be jo's 21st. which really seemed like any other day except i cooked fish and chips for him! i cooked the fish he cooked the chips. pretty nice (hafta resort to self praise) :) i feel very domesticated when i step into the kitchen haha but i always leave the washing to other people!

then there was sam's animals-themed 21st! had a sleepover at the chalet which we slept in some 7/8 yrs ago! the partaye was cool and funny when ch meets jung. i think all of us were just very busy laughing at the duo. hanging out with sishood makes me happy. very happy.

i watched transformers in vivo's gold class for the first time ever. pretty awesome experience although the seats were slightly too comfortable and hence sleep inducing! haha honestly i think i am quite loserish i can nv distinguish the different robots as quickly as jo. but i must say megan fox is hot stuff.

met up with yahting for dimsum too:) very happy to see her after more than half a year! welcome back girl (:

went for arts camp which really was a very... emotional experience. somehow, camps always bring out the best and worst in me. worst when i get really tired. best in the sense that limits can indeed be pushed. i am glad to have worked with a bunch of rawking and supportive programmers. more than just programmers, i feel like it was a close knitted family. very thankful for ade, bud, xiaobanmei, shiru, lysia, hongping, evon and many more... i think artscamp remains special regardless of the different roles i have taken thus far. freshie, councillor then programmer. i must say that the people that i have met have made all the difference (:

after arts camp, there was a meet up with kr and alex which felt very cosy and heartwarming, as always. special friendships i must say.

went for psyche camp as well, though i feel like i have missed out on quite a bit. ok maybe a lot. cos i went home at night thanks to the horrendous flu bug. psyche camp gives me a very different feeling from arts camp. nonetheless, it's the at home kinda feeling. ran ard with daphy's group. very very on people though it seems like almost all of them are introverts. haha but they still did it and won best group! i will leave my thoughts till later after knowing more about them (:

been trying out wii too. haha it is a very wheeeee experience. very tiring for the arm muscles though. i feel like even the shoulder muscles are sore. any fun games to recommend??! i lose to jo in EVERY sports game.

realise that tuitioning k2/p1 kids can be really challenging. i think i really need a guidebook on coping with / teaching younger children. sometimes elementary stuffs can get really complex. like, how do u explain "but" or "suddenly"? i kinda got stuck on both instances. and kids these days are so cheeky, omg. like at age 6 she is asking, so where is your bf? i mean seriously, i dont even know what bf is till.. upper primary?!

just came home from sun yan zi concert (: quite impressed by her live performance. super nice leh! a bit of the transport back to the past feeling cos she sang quite a bit of the older songs. hahah i hafta re profess my love for her cos this love kinda died a few yrs ago. but i think it has been totally revived! go stefanie!!

got many random thoughts on my mind as well but i will leave that to tmrw. might have missed out on a lot of details of summer as well cos my pea brain hasnt been used much. memory failing.

for now, it's time to say goodnight!

regularity

2009-06-24T23:45:00.003+08:00

recently, i keep feeling like i need my life to be at a constant equilibrium. it's almost as if change is something i dread.

and ppl always say change is the only thing that is constant. and 'who moved my cheese' teaches us that dealing with changes is the best way to succeed.

but i still really want my life to remain this way..

with few but rawking friends. friends who understand me even without me saying much. friends who love and care. friends whom i can drop an email to share my thoughts.

and this extraordinary guy in my life. the guy who takes all my punches, my leftovers from meals, my shopping bags and my smelly but beloved pillow.

you know what, i really love all of you.

and even if the world changes, i just want and pray that our friendships and love will never be changed.

the contradictions

2009-06-23T23:03:00.002+08:00

why do i want time alone yet feel so lonely when i am?

why do i want you so badly?

why do i have nothing to do online except to maybe pry into others' lives/do senseless stuffs?

and it's pretty scary that i am studying psyche cos sometimes i wonder if i am going through some depressive episode or sth. do i apply cbt on myself?! does it apply like this?

oh shucks.

2009-06-17T22:51:00.000+08:00

there's no where i want to be more than by your side.

21 (:

2009-06-10T00:11:00.014+08:00

it feels kinda surreal that my partaye has ended. actually i feel pretty guilty for not preparing much for it.. my mom took charge of the food..sishood+jo+alpheus did up the decor..kairu (with the help of pearlyn+denise) came up with the programmes..cherie & the girls did my guestbook. my brother coordinated the cake cutting session. strictly speaking, i did not do much at all except for inviting my friends, enjoying the partaye and going for a makeover(fully sponsored by bro) I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the partaye without my supportive family and loveliest friends. best thing is, they helped me without asking for anything in return. i feel reallaye touched and loved.

this is gonna be a looong entry by the way.

so on the 7th June, i woke up feeling excited.. i ran through all the thankyou-s i wanted to say in my mind the first thing i woke up. it was pretty long and had much more content than what i actually said at the partaye itself..aye but somehow during the partaye itself, i kinda fumbled and gave a quick one which was not my best. so i shall do it here right on my humble blog(in a while).

went for a makeover with sam. my brother was nice to sponsor me together with another close friend. i asked sam cos her bday is just round the corner. also, i think she's really the bestest companion all along especially during those lonesome studying days. the friend who reallaye made all the difference. the makeover place was called makeover inc. it was a pretty small but comfortable place. since it was my first time, i didn't know what to expect. i went for the smokey eyes effect. omg. i was super shocked after the lady was done with the black and grey eyeshadow parts. i thought it was super bold, something that was not me. i kinda pleaded with her not to add any more black black thing on my eyes! however, she told me to trust her and let her do her thing. so i just crossed my fingers and stayed hopeful. turned out alright after she applied some shimmering light blue eyeshadow and i was like PHEW. she curled my hair and i thought i look 5 yrs older -.- was quite unsure if this curled hair look was even suitable for me. after some getting used to and sam's reassurance, i became alright with it!

how i look:

subsequently, took photos in the studio! my first time (: omg the photographer is VERY entertaining. he kept making me laugh at his cold jokes. i think he wanted to capture genuine smiles. and i felt he was quite professional, teaching me how to give my best angles :) came out to see sam being made up! her stylist gave her a softer look and her hair is SUPER pretty..with braids and curls all to one side cos she was wearing a toga (oh yes, very touched.. she bought 2 purple dresses becos of me!) sam took her photos and we took photos together. can't wait to see them and choose the ones we want! so after all the make up and photo-taking, we hurriedly cabbed down to the winetapestry room!

saw miao jo & rach doing up the prettaye purple/white balloons upon reaching. super sweet and nice of them to take charge when i was not around. esp miao!! she looked pretty tired.. thanks miao for always being the creative and sweet friend. jo gave me a bouquet of flowers which was made up of 21 blue/white/purple roses..very pretty.. thank youuu ((:

family & relatives started streaming in. was quite busy receiving hongbaos/presents from everyone who came! felt super happy when i saw almost everyone turn up in purple or white. it was also happifying to see everyone enjoying themselves with simple conversations and board games. i hopped from one table to the next, taking photos and talking (: hehe got compliments for my madeover look but generally, i think everyone thinks i look very black. aiya, too sunkissed=p

and now.. for the thankyou-s ((:

wanna thank my family for making the party a successful one! really. my daddy who sponsored everything, my mom for planning, my bro for taking the initiative to go up the stage to say, "thanks for coming to my sister's partaye".. felt very protected and loved. =)

it was very heartwarming when kairu took the stage to entertain my guests with games (: thanks special one! not only for the hosting of the event but for all the love and concern she has shown me through all these years. xmas eves are special because of her. she is more than a friend. like a big sister, she's always around to listen and it's nv difficult to tell her my problems. special one always (:

also, thank you so much alex!! for being my telephone bud some 8 years ago!! i can nv forget those days (: i am glad we are much more in contact now..tog with his gf, denise.. and the reunion with pearlyn. i love this heartwarming group of friends!! :)
sammie!! she has been such a great friend. i think without her, i couldnt survive last sem's exams. i was totally despairing but she accompanied and comforted me. such a sweet friend. pretty girl, all made up (:
and SISHOOD. i think i would be someone very lonely/different without them. i really see what "friendship is a language spoken without words" with them.. and i am really very touched by their efforts and love for me. i know our friendships will remain till the end of time. i can totally imagine the 5 of us hanging ard with toothless grins. I LOVE YOU, YOU, YOU and YOU (a pity constance wasn't ard but i am sure she is thinking of us!). bestest friends i can ever ask for. ((:

4f girls!! always around for me(: plus yahting's love and cards all the way from london. thanks girl for ur chocs and note and card!! i know the 5 of us will be friends for super long also!! :):)
rvnp (: i am glad we are still in contact and i always think of those goood old days (:
especially these girls.. ppl i can turn to when i am sad. ppl who listen to me and comfort me. i am blessed to have you girls in my life, really (:

05s15! the most united class i was ever in ((: wanna thank the cot especially for being supportive and such great companion. love hanging out with u guys!
my pretty eye candy with her next-singapore-idol bf ((: sweet duan! thanks for being around and for asking me for lunch dates during busy semester days! love you girl (:
ALPHEUS! the best thing which happened to me in uni (: they cheered for me as if arts camp was on re run. super enthusiastic and fun-loving ((: omg they also made jo help me get my present. hahah :p sure we will have many more years to build our friendships!

programs team!! loveeee nice ppl like evon and kai wei who always give me the brightest smiles when i bump into them!! :) wont forget those ocomm days. more to relive with evon and yanwei this yr =)
(: nothing is too difficult with u beside me.

above is me unwrapping the presents (: received a lot of presents filled with love and effort. especially to sishood..21 purple gifts from the girls. thank you miao for coming up with the idea cos i felt very very very touched as i was opening them (: yes, no doubt about that, the 4 of you are THE best gifts ever. i rmb telling jo that.."aiyar, i wont receive a lot of presents one". and he was trying very hard to contain this secret of the 21 purple gifts when he replied, "i am sure u will have a lot".

i think the gifts are not as important as compared to the love and effort put into getting them. thanks to all my dearest friends for spending so much money into getting gifts that are suitable for me (eye cream LOL). i reallaye appreciate them.. and i didnt post everyone's photo but i really appreciated everyone for being present for my partaye. thanks for walking into my life and creating unbreakable bonds. i hope every friendship that has been built will be here to stay. even if it doesn't, you have made a difference in my life :)

memorable 21st.

disillusioned

2009-06-06T00:50:00.002+08:00

the next time u say sth mean about someone else, think about how you would feel if you were the one being referred to.

i t-r-y to get out of this emotional turmoil to no avail.

i don't know why but this hols don't seem to be as fun as what i had thought it to be.

just to keep a record: done bpghs live ops, gone to sydney & completed artscamp precamp.

gonna be 21 real soon but with this heavy heart of mine, i don't know how to be happy being 21. or for that matter. being me.

l o v e d (:

2009-05-19T14:24:00.014+08:00

what i have been up to this holidays (:

before the exams:

sok's 21st! (: super nice chalet. super fun with chucky,. haha chucky nv fails =p

last day of paper with sishood! girls who have been there for me, always (:

reunion (:

long's 21st (: super fun night. omg love love love!

daphy's 21st! ((: had fun with rachie dearrrr!

whee beautiful times spent with you ((:

rah!

2009-05-14T03:38:00.004+08:00

stupid mossies. it's like super late but i really can't get to sleep with the itch.

rah.

looking forward to a few more hours though ;)

happy birthday linglong ((: just now was super fun with them. hahahah choking on the smoke together and laughing at pei who was really trying very hard to learn how to do "N". great fun (: shall post up photos sooon! love!

went to service my lappie today. only productive thing we have done since..errr monday. it was tremendously funny though. i think we do silly stupid things but maybe that's why it's fun when we are together. oh wells. =p thanks for accompanying the suddenly emo me and being such a dear. it's super funny how you act gay (or maybe u are.xP) and say the funniest things ((:

but anyway the lappie is still down. =(

did up the proposals for arts camp as well. finally. =D

omg actually i realise i got nothing much to blog about la, hope the rest of the hols will be more fulfilling la.

edit: i read rachie's blog and realise i do have sth meaningful to blog about....which is absolut! i kinda forgot i have yet to talk about it. it was one of the most different and unique camps i have attended which focused on self directed learning. it was a camp to let campers know more about the self. honestly, i always felt like ppl put on masks all the time. or maybe it's just me. like how we project a self that suits situations more than anything. and these self-s probably do not really reflect what we really feel. but perhaps the self can be more enduring than just situational. anyhow, i think i was very skeptical at the start and i held a lot of information from the rest at the beginning. but towards the end of the camp, i was surprised that i revealed so much to my groupmates as if we had been friends for the longest time ever. maybe verbalising thoughts really makes one more at ease with one another. or maybe knowing that they are ppl whom i can trust my weaknesses with makes sharing all the more comfortable. i like my group. as always, it is the ppl who made the group such an impactful one. and i think i learnt a very impt thing about myself. i do make peace with ppl i had grudges with. overall, i really feel that the camp was a very heartwarming and practical one!

and i wish my dreams can be nicer to me and stop making me think so much.

okay. and also i wish all mossies and cockroaches to stay away from my house.

rants

2009-05-12T00:55:00.003+08:00

lappie's dead.

toilets are down and being renovated.

things are cluttered and in a mess.

basically i feel like my life is in a mess because everything around me is in a mess.

to do: proposals, exercise, read, learn how to write, improve my grammar (am an engrish cher), stop bumming ard, shop, kbox, visit all the cinemas in singapore, fix lappie, plan the 7thjune, find camps to do.

and to sleep now.

days marked with (:-s.

2009-05-08T00:12:00.003+08:00

=D*

heh.

anyways exams are finally over. it has been a super tiring 2 weeks and i really lost stamina. could almost feel intermittent depressive episodes. but i am glad with social support, i managed to survive the 4th examination in nus. i know i won't do well, just hope i can scrape through. and i promise i will study harder next sem.

thanks to wonderous friends who stood by me, especially to sammie. really. i think you are the bestest gift in my life. i have nv felt so grateful to someone who is always there for me. a thank you is not even enough. i am so glad to have you in my life. thanks for seeing me through my most stressed moments amidst all the tears.

and of cos so many others..ppl who listened to me whine (this is an amazing feat) and encouraged me. ppl who remembered when my last paper was and wished me luck. thank youuu ((: it is reallaye heartwarming to know that lovely friends do care.

yesterday was day out with sishood. was a lovely night. i hope this amazing bond we share will stay with us till a lifetime.

and thank you ((: i really love the bees programme becos you are a part of it. it delights me to know that our lil' bees like us for who we are. haha even though we turn to kinder bueno. but yah. take it as positive reinforcement! :D

maladaptive

2009-05-01T22:26:00.003+08:00

kept having the runs for the whole of today

last sem was severe insomnia and this sem is this.

my brother kindly reminded me that i have 4 more sems to go, if nothing goes too wrong.

exams are making me dysfunctional and soon i will be needing all the antidepressants that i have been studying.

s t u p i d i t y

2009-04-29T21:04:00.003+08:00

i don't know which is more stupid,

not knowing how ta do the questions despite trying for n th time

or crying despite knowing nothing's gonna salvage the screwed up situation.

glad for you you and you.

glad for papa too.

sigh not glad for 3 more heavy papers.

not glad for my stupidity.

sorry, sorry

2009-04-24T00:17:00.002+08:00

in this i cannot fall asleep with a lot of stats figures in my mind mode.

crap.

shitttttttttttt.

rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ok i didnt have anyone to msn all these so i had to come here.

this time i am reallaye freaking out.

crazy thing called...l o v e

2009-04-19T13:37:00.002+08:00

just started wondering..why do ppl seem so different online and in person. are our online personalities different from who we are in real life?

maybe i am different in that sense too.

this sem saw me thinking about the possible mental disorders i might be diagnosed with in future. and someone told me i was talking as if i were choosing the mental disorders from a basket of fruits or something. =p

this sem also made me want to know more about my personality, but definitely not from freud's perspective. he's quite sexist huh. seems like females will definitely be fixated at the phallic stage since we can never get past the penis envy. hur. oh wells. i must say the modules that i have taken are really interesting, yet i just can't seem to score lor. i think i agree with what miao said about exams killing passion. aiya try my best.

what am i doing in the library on a beautiful sundayyy................................alone. my brother refuses to study with me. GRRRS.

okay. back to the many many disorders which exist of which i hope i wont be diagnosed with any.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!

2009-04-15T22:02:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY ((: thanks for your unconditional love! it warms my heart to see you happy and i am glad to have the best mom!

dinner was a lighthearted affair but an enjoyable one ((: food tastes nicer with your loved ones, no? if 'together forever' really applies, i'd love to be together forever with my family.

today was a good break from the studying ((: caught the movie 'knowing'. was feeling so kan cheong during the movie.. hmms. was it supposed to be a thriller? =p it was nice i think. but the ending was a little. not too good.

and some evil person kept my ibanking device! no more online shopping from now till 6thMay. ade, dont tempt me. hehe but i must say i am really thankful to have you around to listen to my whines and really just talking to me this sem ((: you are the best gift from arts camp! and also buddd. the one who loves to irritate me endlessly yet nice at the end of the day one! i hope arts camp 09 will be rawking (:

and finally to end this entry, me in a huge shirt ((:

tickle you to death.

this not here not there feeling

2009-04-13T01:45:00.002+08:00

my self worth is too contingent on school work

dont really understand why. perhaps that's how school works - to make u feel that way?

never felt like this before but i guess i will press on.

and all i want to do now is to run away.

to somewhere only we know.

sianns.

2009-04-06T23:52:00.001+08:00

=/ just want this one month to fly past.

*

小酒窩長睫毛是你最美的記號
我每天睡不著想念你的微笑
你不知道你對我多麼重要
有了你生命完整的剛好

survivor

2009-04-04T23:07:00.002+08:00

was feeling down on the way home today. but i finally figured that we learn to appreciate happiness after all these moments.

thanks for the happy ballooon, miao (: so sweet of you. may this stressful period pass for all of us! jiayouu!

been spending a lot of time in starbucks. i think the coffee i have drunk in these 4 months far surpass the amount of coffee i consumed for the past 20 yrs or something. but i am glad for the really good companion when i have coffee. hahah something we saw yesterday:

thank you for always being around

2009-03-31T10:07:00.001+08:00

note to self: stop facebooking and procrastinating. stop snapping at others and stop complaining.

i will get through, i know i can.

SELF-EFFICACY.

to all who may be struggling with school, JIAYOU!

black hair day

2009-03-22T14:07:00.003+08:00

had dinner at breko. speaking of which, the service there was really quite bad. hmms. they were efficient at the wrong time (like clearing plates when there was obviously still food) and needed us to repeat our instructions several times. oh wells, at least food was nice and the companion made up for it. :)

a day to note cos it was the day my hair turned black after 3 years of brown hair. honestly i am super not used to it but nvm it's gonna be worth it.

i need to stop slacking, start on personality paper, understand Shakespeare's language, start flipping developmental textbook and get my stats proj going.

just a few more weeks!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY (:

2009-03-20T22:23:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE MOST IMPT MAN IN MY LIFE (:
the bestest daddy :) for always being there for me, listening, caring, giving unconditionally. i am a lucky girl.

and thank you to youuu for the FIRST UNO. lol :) and all the time/advice/everything! you made my day!

breathe again.

2009-03-19T23:31:00.004+08:00

finally able to breathe again with just a few more challenges ahead. i think the greatest of all would be dealing with the impact upon getting back the essay for el, which totally killed me. quite amazing how sam managed to tide me through it with her composure.

i enjoy personality tutorials a lot. just on wed we talked about the contingencies of self worth. and my results correspond with what a kind of person i am. my self worth is contingent practically on almost all the scales provided, i.e. family, others, virtue etc.

today i felt a warm gush of happiness when my tutee said, "thank you teacher." so sweet of him.

today was a shitty yet nice day. i felt shitty during all the sneezy moments. nonetheless, htht-ing with shiru, planning sat's date with kr and laughing at someone were extremely happifying:)

=( of stressed days.

2009-03-11T21:55:00.002+08:00

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
(are u kidding me?!!!)

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

thinked

2009-03-09T10:44:00.003+08:00

talk about over regularization.

i seem to be using more of them subconsciously nowadays. like..drinked.

oh wells.

i wish i could write in some kinda flowery manner or at least in a better way. then i wont have to fret over the coughing out of 2000 + 1000 words all in a week's time.

ANOVA

2009-03-07T20:01:00.002+08:00

today i had a date with dearest one way anova and we spent a great deal of time together.

at the end of the day, i got so frustrated with it. i have nv encountered anything more difficult than this.

and mind u, i havent even reached one way's sibling - two way anova.

lost.

2009-02-27T14:11:00.001+08:00

this feeling is something to remember.

good at this

2009-02-22T12:50:00.003+08:00

good at doing nothing. can't believe how idly i have been.

finished watching xiao niang re and gushing over how pretty the actresses looked in the peranakan costumes.

thinking of random stuffs. thinking too much.

oh. and do u believe in karma?

so there.

2009-02-21T10:43:00.006+08:00

conquered panic disorder with agoraphobia with the lovely ladies on top. i srsly still donno what a plastic bag is used for when treating a panic attack. kindly enlighten me if you do. i think i have overcome my fear for public speaking. gone are the days when i really break down in front of a crowd. next thing to overcome would be my fear for interviews.

last day of half a sem. feeling a heavy sense of dread looking at the pending common tests and term papers. yesterday night, cherie and girls asked me, "so, what's my personality?"wow. stunned. both by the relevance of the module (personality and individual differences) i am taking to daily life conversations and how i didnt know how to answer her. shitto. ok but i guess several things attribute to the determination of one's personality. so yah. afterall, there's still a huge debate going on in this field as well. after some digging session at mos, they very nicely agreed to accompany me satisfy my sudden urge to play with sparklers. but alas! the wind was so strong and i was too...scared to light the lighter. i kept on having this impending doom feeling, as if the sparklers would explode in my face. nvm. we shall have a sparkler's outing after everything and this time i (we) will be prepared! wow and looking at the pics. yesterday must be gray jeans day for us.

exciting week ahead with lots of studying to be done. woohoo. there must be some joy to studying becos whenever i look back, i realise studying can be memorable and fun too. ok. that's positive thinking.

~~stayed up to think about the real meaning of love and turned in more confused than ever.~~

No Air.

2009-02-16T21:25:00.005+08:00

srsly, u create the most classic moments.

had a fun vday with rach and sammie. i am so gonna miss them come yr 3 sem1. =(

and of cos shiru's fantabulous 21st which was :)

okay. gonna conquer panic disorder with agoraphobia then historical variation then stats 2 then abnormal psyche.

2009-02-07T10:41:00.002+08:00

many unsaid things yet sometimes many things are perhaps best left that way.

thankful for friends.. friends who make me laugh, listen, care and love.

cny~

2009-02-01T12:14:00.005+08:00

alpheus tuan yuan fan which was filled with laughters and disgusting moments. :) glad to see the alpheus spirit burning ever so strongly..and the small group of us from ajax. friends who make uni life =)

cny with the family: playing with my cousins and xiao mei meis. i concluded that small girls like me more as compared to small boys. cny is the yearly affair which makes me feel pretty distant from my relatives but closer to my family.

sishood love.. (:

flower day! :D

the only thing that is forever is love

2009-01-28T23:09:00.002+08:00

i have been following the blog of a strong woman who battled with cancer. sadly, she passed away yesterday. nonetheless, i know she will continue to live in the hearts of many whom she has touched.

and forever in those she loved so dearly. shinscancerblog.blogspot.com

happie cny =)

2009-01-26T19:34:00.001+08:00

cinderella?

2009-01-25T00:46:00.002+08:00

just that day i was doing this close passage with my tutee on the story of cinderella. well, not that i lead such a hard life but my bed time is similar to the time cinderella had to be home. time check now is 12:47. i guess today is a day of exceptions.

so far school feels like holidays. which shouldnt be the case but it alarmingly is. the only lecture which i really enjoy is.. i thought hard for a while. and there isn't any that i particularly like. i guess i will kan cheong about school after cny.

i spring-cleaned my drawers a while back. found letters and old photographs which made me miss people/events. i am the sort who keeps every letter that has been written to me (unless i really hate that person a lot.) and realise the number of letters written to me decreasing. sincerely hoping it is due to the advancement of technology and not my insignificance in my friends' lives. laughed at myself in the old photos. the centre parting and fatter days. but those days gave me the bestest friends i could ever ask for. so i guess true friendships are forged out of genuine love and not appearances. and that's why they stay.

time seems to pass too quickly these days. it's like i don't really know how to keep track of the events other than snapping photos (a lot of them). maybe when i don't really know what i have been doing, i can just check out my countless folders of photos. even then, i do miss out on classic moments like a particular friend spilling one whole tray of cheese fries(did not manage to take a picture, so must blog about it). point is. my photos dont capture everything, like sadder moments. they only capture the happy ones. maybe it is an indication that we should only remember the happy moments and forget the sad ones.

rambling on and on. i guess i am just bored. can't wait for cny to play with the little ones around the house. i think i like being with kids.. they suck all the energy out of you yet they leave you with this warm feeling called love. most importantly, they won't judge you.

to end this weird late night post, i shall post my latest(updated) 2009 resolution which is to:

not regret the things i do.

and. of cos. HAPPY CNY eve! :)

of happy today-s and forever

2009-01-21T01:02:00.002+08:00

not.

i want to know what is behind a smile.

not the usual i hate school/school is.. entry. suddenly feeling at a loss. am i getting my priorities right these days i wonder.

fast forward.

2009-01-15T08:43:00.010+08:00

crazy amount of photos in my lappie. sometimes it feels like 24 hours is not enough for a day. oh wells. so school has started. it feels pretty weird to not be attending psyche lectures with sam but at least i am doing 2 mods with her. tuition at xuehai started as well. my class is strangely quiet but i hope they will open up to me soon. other than that, i guess i am just generally waiting for things to happen. realise i am in this really passive mode these days. and my mood is in equilibrium. neither too happy nor too sad.

the happy days that went by too quickly..

@ msia with some of the mumbo peeps. fulfilled fy's dreams of gg to sunway lagoon and mine to vist A&W's. generally a fun and relaxing trip. nice ppl to hang out with~

st marg's camp! met some of the mumbo peeps there!

my lovely 2/8.

my fun loving mirror, preet

@ botanical garden

performing!

lovely campers

the people who were always there to make me laugh.

outside 2/8's classroom :)
kim & yw with their enthusiastic campers
my campers:)

our friendly cat fight

i think the girl in the middle is so cute!

had a very spontaneous alpheus dinner at some bird's nest cafe. it was a fun night with neoprints taken and the racing of daytona

the girls~

ade says i win the most shocked expression. hahas.

the next day was sentosa with alpheus. i love the sun the sea and most importantly the companion.

paradise

BBQ with some of the arts club ppl.

yr 2s. ppl i am comfortable with!

the big group~

dinner with some of the mumbo peeps. + jaslyn. :)

my loves!

i dont really know.

2009-01-09T17:43:00.005+08:00

2oo9 has been eventful thus far. perhaps it's fatigue, perhaps it's the notion of not knowing where i am heading.. i feel directionless and lost. it's as if i am in this maze groping my way out of the darkness. i dont know if this is a good start but at least i know i want to find my way out.

i smile i laugh i cheer but i dont know if that is really what i feel sometimes.

maybe i am too sensitive. i think it's good to be sensitive but not overly. this internal attribution of fault gets too high. i dont know. or maybe i focus too much on the negatives, so much so that i tend to forget the positives that are ard, which may or may not outweigh the former.

just returned from st marg's camp which was awesome for my first time. it was a military-themed camp for the sec 2 cohort in st marg's. my mirror was preet. i am so thankful and glad i got her as my mirror for my first camp which coincidentally was her last. i would even say she is my mentor since she has much more experience doing camps. her frankness and honesty made me appreciate her a lot. maybe it was working with her that i enjoyed this camp more. the girls were the most obedient bunch of campers i have seen. well, i havent seen a lot of campers to begin with but they were really cooperative and enthusiastic. most importantly, i saw this zest in them to want to be better than the rest. in my eyes, they were. i am lucky i got the easier-to-handle group. or maybe harpreet and i worked well to make them enthu. either way, i really enjoyed this first camp. and learnt a lot about myself and handling others.

i realise i got too impatient with the girls sometimes. and i hope i will learn not to. i tend to rush the kids too much and get overly anxious in achieving the results i want to see, not knowing their limits. i think that kinda reflects who i am. someone who is too anxious. somehow, i am beginning to draw more parallel between the daily happenings and who i am. drawing the parallel is one thing and making sure that i rectify the problem is another. i do hope i would be able to be more patient and less anxious if i do another camp.

during the passing out parade for the girls, their teacher shook my hand, thanked me for being around and told me, "i hope you will continue touching people's lives". i hope the teacher meant it becos i felt quite satisfied that she thought i had managed to touch her students' lives. sure hope the girls took home with them what we had set for them to.

many thank yous not only to my mirror but also to nic for bringing me in, for believing in me. to buddy for being awesome despite being 'mean'. to fy for always giving me a pat on my shoulder.

feeling slightly empty after the camp, which should be normal. it feels like i am back to reality with my own life to lead. back to my bidding/school, to healing some wounds of the heart and to be a better person. sounds silly but this feels like a small transition. this unrealistic ideal of not wanting to return back to my own life makes me wonder how happy i actually am.

choices have consequences.

i should be thankful

2009-01-04T22:58:00.003+08:00

..for 2008. for being alive, healthy and even being able to experience emotions.

in 2008, i..

became a yr 2 undergraduate and survived exams for the third time.
forged stronger bonds with girlfriends.
fell deeper in love and out of it.
discovered more of the thinking side of myself.
helped to plan o week and was involved in arts camp(meeting a rawking OG)
went to mumbo.
made more new friends.
went to hongkong and bali.

i dont know but i think i am a lucky girl. thanks to everyone for making my 2008 such a great one. i know 2009 will only get better.

can i have this dance?

2008-12-27T16:06:00.004+08:00

xmas this yr was slightly different from past years. xmas eve was a blast though. super fun and enjoyable~

xmas eve!

met alex and kairu in the morning and we watched the movie 'running on karma'. wow. it was amazingly thought-provoking. basically the gist of the story is how karma works: how we need to pay back for what we have done in our previous lives. and sometimes the best thing to do is to forgive ain't it, though it might be difficult. oh wells.

after which, had s15 xmas partaye! turn out wasnt that bad. thanks to the organiser zhong xian. :) had the usuals - chatting ard, exchanging of presents, laughing at james etc. been long since i last saw them. most of the guys turned up but i guess the girls are busier? i hope this xmas partaye tradition of s15 will always continue :)

with the girls:

with the class :)

returned home and watched shou sheng nan nu with kairu. (love on a diet). the movie is super nice and i was still super touched despite having watched it more than thrice! the sound track is also damn nice! (bu neng cheng shou de gan dong) after which was gift exchange. wow our presents looked super a lot when piled together :) thanks for the nice presents my dearest friends. reallaye appreciate the presents but i enjoyed the time spent together more!
went to clementi woods to play with sparklers! omg hahaha super fun! we were amazed by my camera which made us appear to be superimposed into the background. very nice! haha used the sparklers to form our names as well. mine was a flop. hahahas becos i did the j wrongly and my cammie ran out of battery! all in all, it was a fun night filled with noisy whistling sparklers and cam-whoring!
xmas was spent nuaing ard with alex and kairu~ and watching 'bedtime stories' with the o week peeps. the show was very amusing and entertaining. but, do you believe in fairytale endings?

boxing day! gymmed, tuition-ed and spent the night with the lovely and prettaye girls below. shan't talk much about the experience but i guess time spent with the girls will always be love. minus the irritating ppl ard :)
2008 is coming to an end! what have i done so far?

remember.

2008-12-23T19:16:00.011+08:00

Just came back from a long run which is totally therapeutic. I realise i do enjoy spending time alone and just staying in touch with my emotions. I think i can be quite a confused/confusing girl and time alone always serves to make me think. Anyway, i jogged from home to West Coast Park. Third time this holiday! Somehow West Coast Park holds a lot of memories for me; from silly first dates to secondary school class outings to class CIP (of cleaning the non-existent beach-.-) to surprise BBQ session to watching sunsets with my loved one. I think that place holds a lot of tears and joy. It was cool running at my own tortoise pace and looking at the beautiful sky which i always miss during normal busy hectic days. It was heartening when fellow joggers smiled at me, as if encouraging me to keep going. I ran till sunset came and the sky was all crimson and orangey. nice :)

Decided to update on all that has been happening in my life. This holidays has truly been quite happening, much more that what i would have done usually. I am grateful and blessed. :)

First-up, I would really like to thank kai ru for spending more time with me and making me all smiles. Somehow, it is always so easy talking to her. It's almost as if she understands what I am thinking. Anyway, she introduced this volunteer project to alex and me. It took place at Kampong Kapor FSC. Haha, my social work module in school has increased my knowledge of the social work settings in Singapore on top of all these volunteer work. Somehow, doing volunteer work never fails to make me realise that I am indeed fortunate. I must say it was quite an experience.

Kairu and I went shopping too. Along the way, we cam-whored. Whee :)

The next day was Psyche Christmas gathering at Sam's house! :) I fell sick though and it was quite heartwarming to see people caring and asking if i was alright etc. Took some panadols to suppress the flu and managed to take some retarded but fun shots with my absolute favouritest people in Psyche society. Thank you for being there for me girls and being so fun to hang out with! i love nuspsyche!

Check out the SUPERGIRLS. inspired by wonder girls. hahahs. seriously, all these remind me of the studying days. :)

The next day was spent at home recuperating from flu.

SATURDAY was Mumbo's Children's Xmas party. Went early to help them set up and decorate the place. Haha I enjoyed working with the rest of the fun-loving instructors. I did this HUGE candy cane with a few others and it was really quite fun cam-whoring with it. I was quite proud of the end-product. Haha got thrown into a box as well but I am quite used to being bullied there. =p

The excitement began when the kids started streaming in! I was super excited when i saw shayne and wayne! The best part of the party was that quite a lot of the kids in my group remembered me! Whee!! I had great fun conducting the games and leading them around though i really feel like a mother whenever i stand in front of them. The kids are super cute really. They get so happy when the instructors used the snow spray. I think kids get happy really easily. Or is it that as we grow older we get harder to please? Oh wells, I really enjoyed this whole mumbo experience. I feel like somehow, it has made me learn to handle kids in a different manner. :) I wish there was another mumbo right now or sth.

After the party, I rushed over to sam's, feeling a little zoned out and stoned along the way. Hehe but all was worth it for rachel. It was Rachie's 20th birthday and we were gonna surprise her. We kind of ran out of ideas for surprises but I guess we still needed to capture her priceless expression of surprise and all. I really think sishood is love! We sat around and talked about the old secondary school days which seem kinda silly now. Laughing at the silly random topics together at the wee hours is something amazing brought by 8 years of friendship. Nothing beats hanging out with them. :)

We made Rachel look for her presents among the bushes :)

Cam-whoring with my self-timer :) Went to stay over at Sam's after that! Haha although I was quite tired but we still dong-banged together. Somehow, it is always more enjoyable when i watch dong bang with sam (and rach). I really appreciate Sam for always letting me impose her with all these late nights. I dont think i can ever find a friend like her. thanks dear even though you might not be reading!

Next day was a get to meet yanwei session. haha, hope it wasnt weird but it was cool letting them know each other and all. Chilled at my favourite place. It was a super lazy afternoon for me.

After that I went to meet pei to collect stuffs from her. And i saw this absolutely chio necklace and i really wanted to make it mine. But i felt so guilty spending so much, i didn't buy it and i am so regretting it. O wells and Jurong Point is really an eye opener now. It is mega big and impressive!

Me with pei, the sweet girl who is always around to listen :) thanks sweetie!

The next day was tuition day! My tutee made the below for me! :) I bought her some xmas presents and I was happy to see her happy. Haha, she was very obedient for that lesson. I think rewards can really work for certain types of students. Happy tuition session =D

After the tuition session, I went to meet duan for shopping and the movie Yes Man. i bought the below for ki for xmas! :) i like it and i hope she does too :)

Walked around taking random photos with duan :) Although it was really quite random but it was quite an experience going out with duan. hahahs :) And yes man is a nice show. It is so funny! Jim Carrey is like so talented. I enjoyed the show but not the chairs at lido.

Met up with the o week people after the show! Hahah we were quite spontaneous in grabbing some xmas hats and walking down orchard road in it, capturing all the xmas trees along the way! We took photos with 9 xmas trees! Quite fun having an outing this way :) Haha first time doing this sort of activity though. Must say it was fun!

i super love the tree in taka :)

This morning, helped out at the FSC for the xmas event with the rest of my newly found friends. Worked with 2 small girls to man a game stall. Although my first impression was that the kids were quite a naughty bunch, it changed after working with them. I realised that they are just boisterous!

After that, i went to meet alex for lunch at this dim sum place. Omg had such a filling lunch la. =/ scary amount we ate. All prawns. Anyway, i must say that alex is a friend who really makes me want to rediscover myself. Even though we havent been talking for some time, I am glad we are talking more now. It was quite..thought-provoking talking to him.

Today was results day as well. I am easily contented, therefore i am really quite pleased with my results.

Looking forward to xmas eve tmr. I think it's gonna be super nice with my nice friends. :) May you have a wonderful XMAS as well!

i wish we could stay by the window, looking out together, always.

forgiveness?

2008-12-17T11:38:00.003+08:00

xmas is coming. and it suddenly dawned on me that i will no longer be taking the same xmas shots with a certain someone at the huge taka tree and the pink one outside cathay. i wonder if they are still there?

caught the movie cape no.7 with my parents and uncle. weird show to be watching with them becos it's a romance comedy. whoever watches romance films with their parents? i kinda liked it despite the confusing changes in scenes. oh well i think fan yi chen is quite hot partly becos he has the bad boy look. haha talking about bad boy reminds me of the convo with you.

i am enjoying this holidays =D but am spending way too much. gotta keep it in check! happy photos with my loveliest friends

kbox with alpheus. all of them can sing so well!

what cannot be cured must be endured.

2008-12-16T01:05:00.003+08:00

more outings and more bitchings. actually testing out my keyboard. it is kinda cranky and i wonder if it is due to msn or the lousy keyboard itself. looks like i found the answer. it is the latter. DAMN IT.

this is certainly not the best time of the day and month to get me. (i retyped this at least 5 times to get it right)

omg.

omg.

before i allow my angst to take over me.. today was great with sishood and the 4f girls.

and i can no longer take this keyboard. till the next post.

tattoo

2008-12-14T12:33:00.001+08:00

If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do

sometimes love just ain't enough

2008-12-13T00:25:00.004+08:00

meet ups which make me happy and realise that i am lucky to have nice friends surrounding me. of cos i thank those other friends who listen to me rant about my troubles (tutee) and my ever-changing emotions. you know who u are and i thank all of you.

posting some of the nicer photos up. i dyed my hair again btw. finally to a darker colour and looking more normal (or so i hope). also, thanks for installing ms office for me.. i realise i am such a tech noob. =( and i cant believe i am saying this to a less than 1 month old lappie: IT'S DAMN LAGGY AT TIMES.

just to record the holidays before it flies past:

family dinner at some really delicious crab-beehoon place
tao's with kairu, alex and denise
fsc with kairu and alex
nice yummy wings, stingray & icecream with cot

the bestest brother around who can tolerate all my nonsense. thanks. happy 23rd!

i love tao's, seriously! good service, good food and good company

the special one.

ki & dency :)

note to self: it seems like i always forget the good in people and remember the bad in them. which is bad. i mean i wouldn't want people doing that to me.

"I WANT TO SEE 2 ROWS!"

2008-12-08T22:33:00.003+08:00

Camp Mumbo 2008 was a blast for me! 4th to 8th dec :) One of the best camps that I have attended. It is a 3 days - 2 nights camp for the kids. As for us instructors, it is 5 days 4 nights inclusive of preparation and packing up.I must say that this is one of the most tiring camp I have ever attended and I had many of my first-s in my life.

First time....
attending to a group of children so young
soaping and dressing young girls up
having so many children calling me zhi jun jie-jie at the same time (i almost felt popular)
holding onto my hands so tightly when they felt afraid
shouting the same command at least 5 times in order to be heard
being pinched by them(small kids)

My group of children is really cute with an assortment of characters. I won't say they are the most well-behaved lot. Afterall, they are still young and tend to be extremely playful. From this experience, I realise that children are really not as easy to handle as I had always thought it to be. They can get very temperamental, requiring lots of coaxing and patience. Sometimes it can get very exasperating when they don't give you the attention you really need/want. I guess they don't understand that they need to pay attention to you at the right time. Challenging is the word to describe the task of looking after children!

But when they smile and look at you with that pair of smiling eyes, all the frustrations just disappear. Talk about angel and devil. They can really take on two roles quite easily. Some photos of them:

I was in the group of Sa Korh with a bunch of other cool instructors. Did the shouting on behalf of the chief instructor because she lost her voice. We taught the kids campcraft, supper making, filtering and played several games including the dirty mud pool game with them. Took super a lot of photos but too lazy to post them up. I will probably post it on facebook. Go check them out 2 weeks later! Took a group photo before the campfire:

We were giving the trademark signs of Camp Mumbo. The 'yandao' and 'chiobu' signs :) I bet they will grow up handsomely and beautifully!

Later on we had a skit performance during campfire which was quite successful! The instructors had to put up a show as well and there was this fashion show component. The highlight of this fashion show was the reversal of roles between the males and females. Haha it was damn hilarious seeing the men become women!! Girls look cool in uniform so it was okay :)
The camp ended on a rather 'high' note after the campfire. Some kids came up to me and hugged me to say thank you. Felt quite touched :) Took photos with the instructors of Sa Korh. So glad for each and every one of them who made this learning experience a better one. We were always helping each other out in handling the kids and i must say we developed some rapport over the few days :)

Although the camp had ended for the kids, it did not end for us. Revelation of the Angel-Mortal Game and my angel totally rocked. He bought me super alot of stuffs and he even made this board to encourage me! After which, the instructors turned mad. We high-ed all the way till the next morning 6+am. Craziness but it was really great fun turning the lorry rides into roller coaster rides. It must be the most unforgettable lorry ride in my life la! The last day of packing up was also damn fun with the instructors. Doing silly stunts like swallowing a bottle of 500 ml of water(amongst many other stupid things) in 7 seconds (you heard me right, 7 seconds!). i did that forfeit stunt in 23 seconds. Yifei also took the challenge and he actually spat his green tea all over me. WALAO. lol but it was really funny! Hanging out with them really made me laugh ALL THE WAY. It was great fun! The instructors:

Many thanks to sok for bringing me in. Although i felt (am feeling) very tired but the cheers still ring in my head and the photos of the kids make me smile. Camp Mumbo is indeed one of those camps which is unforgettable and impactable(got this word a not?!)

=)

i didnt tell you.

2008-12-01T23:52:00.003+08:00

Freedom.

Can't say that i am feeling over the moon but i must say i really am grateful for all my friends who helped me through this tough exam period! A BIG THANKYOU to all who kept me going. for listening to all my whinings, teaching me patiently (consultations and stuffs) and the encouragement. i think it really helped a lot. =)

Had a kbox session with sam, rach & jung after paper today. omg damn funny la. i don't know why but all the funny things happen when we are together (: and it's hard to find a photo which everyone looks normal in. after the crazy session, i accompanied sam to xuehai. ms seah is a good teacher. she taught me a lot of science stuffs. haha i cant believe i can't do primary school science qns. like seriously. do u know what is the liquid component in our blood called?! cos i don't!

special thanks to sammie and jungy. best studying companions ever. i can't think of a moment when we were not happy during breaks. i think the ultimate was during the bouncy day la. and of cos rachie liau who is like so sweet and nice (and insomnia-ing with me xP). Below are some photos which sent me smiling foolishly to my comp. oh wells, nobody makes me laugh as much as they do. and i am really thankful for rawking friends like them :)

i will be away for the whole of this week for a camp. i hope it will be fun! =) at least, i will make the best out of it and make it fun. i guess it's the mindset and attitude that change the outlook of things!

2008-11-30T17:16:00.002+08:00

i want to find someone who can sing so well =D

post exams plans are distracting me from studying.

in less than 24 hours, i will be free (:

admirable courage

2008-11-29T10:20:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6tij7rlLJI